THIS is why

It's the moment you find that perfect shirt, the one you have been looking high and low for - there it is.  4 of them.  All. Size. Small.  You're crushed.  What's a girl to do?  Well, if you are me, you try it on anyway.  And guess what - IT FIT.  So, I bought it.  

It's that moment when I am like, um okay.  This is why I continue on my journey.  Never mind that I feel better and am much healthier.  I AM WEARING A SIZE SMALL SHIRT.

Yea, I have told everyone in the office that I'm wearing a small.  Because I am damn proud.  

I have been beating myself up because I have gotten off track.  I know I shouldn't but it's hard.  Life happens, I know.  But so far, this has come so easy for me.  And so many people are proud of me (including myself), I am scared to disappoint.  Sometimes it's just a lot of pressure to succeed.  And when I stumble, I feel let down.  

So what have I changed?  Well, for one thing, I am exercising again.  I didn't realize how much I missed it until I started again.  And, I'm trying super hard not to cheat.  I am re-committing myself to getting 10,000 steps a day. 

I will get there.  This I know.  I have picked myself up (again) and brushed myself off (again) and gotten back on track (AGAIN).  

One thing I have proven myself is that I am a winner.  I am winning.  When I cross that line, I will know that I earned it.  And that I deserve it.  

Guilt

"Everyone has the right to be happy without feeling guilty".  Yet I feel completely guilty.  Why?  Because I am a cheater.  I cheated on WW.  In a big, ugly way. And on myself .  I cheated on the new Sheri.

I don't know what happens to my brain when I go camping.  But I saw a glimpse of the old Sheri and quite frankly, it scared the hell out of me.  I woke up feeling guilty and disappointed with myself.  I kept asking myself, "how could I have eaten that?" and "why did I drink so much?"  I had the perfect opportunity to walk and get a lot of good exercise.  But did I?  Nope.  I sat, like a blob, in my camp chair and hardly moved.  I'm not going to list all the "bad things" I consumed.  Just know that it wasn't pretty.  

I know it's going to happen from time to time.  But my goodness.  It was like my brain took a leave of absence - completely checked out.  I got caught up in having a good time.  A year ago when I was a bit TOO cuckoo and people around me were like "oh come on, you're on vacation, live a little - quit counting those chips."  I felt like I was under scrutiny.  This year I let my hair down and I feel like they weren't watching me, as much.  Does that make sense?  

Here's the thing though. Its hard to be with a group of people who all bring food to contribute to meals and be "good" with what's being offered.  I can only control but so much.  I bring to the table something healthy every time so I know that there will be at least one option for me.  I also bring healthy snacks. So I DO try.  

I do have the right to be happy.  Right?
  

Actress

"Vacation...All I Ever Wanted"

"Vacation...have to get away" (Go-Go's) 

It's vacation time! And I cannot wait.  A year ago I had a little trouble letting go when we were away because I was at the beginning of my journey.  I was so afraid of getting out of control and gaining back the weight I had lost.  

Now...I think I might have the opposite problem.  I am a little too relaxed these days.  I'm a bit cocky since I am so close to goal weight.  NOW is when I should have a tighter control.  NOW is when I should be really under control.

BUT.  But if I screw up or go off the deep end, I will just have to reign it back in when we come home and get back on track.  

My one saving grace is that I will be with my parents, who are also Weight Watchers.  That should help some.  :)