Am I Old?

I think I might be getting old.  For example, my patience has worn very thin - for most everything.  I have zero tolerance.  I instantly "hate" skinny young 30-something girls who "got it goin' on".  Ok, hate is a strong word but I definitely feel threatened.  I have limits now, where I didn't use to. I roll my eyes at the things young people say/do/wear.  I'm getting cranky.

But, here is the kicker.  Due to my recent stomach issues, I have had to add more fiber to my diet.  Isn't that something old people do???  The other morning, I found myself in line at Wal-Mart, buying Benefiber.  This is in addition to - on doctor's orders - the added a probiotic!  What is happening????  Please stop me if you ever hear me say "when I was your age...".  Good grief!!!  

Everyone knows that the older you get, the harder it is to lose weight.  I am guessing that's true since I am a whole year older than I was when I started this journey and I CAN'T GET THESE LAST POUNDS OFF!  

Things creek more when I stand up.  "Things" have shifted.  Some things aren't at all where they should be.  I don't bounce back as quickly as I used to when I have had a few adult beverages.  And Lord watch out if I haven't had enough sleep!!!

Age.

I know it's only a number.  I know it should be a frame of mind.  Most days I feel much younger than my 40-something years.  Then there are other days when I have to ask myself...

Am I old?

Sometimes I Just Want...

...to snap my fingers and be skinny.
...to eat whatever I want and not have to worry about gaining.
...to look in the mirror and really love what I see.

I know that losing and maintaining a healthy weight is hard work and it's a life time change.  But there are times I wish it just wasn't SO hard.  I want to indulge.  I want to imbibe. And not pay for it later. "A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" and all that jazz.

Traveling, being off your "normal" schedule, stress, work.  All things that can work against you - if you aren't careful.  I have been watching the scale go up and down and up and down for over 6 months.  I am beginning to feel that they only way I am going to get these last 10 pounds off is to eat the same exact thing every single day and not cheat a single bit and drown myself in water.  Anything to reach my goal.

I honestly thought it was going to be easy.  I mean, all the way up to this point, it was.  Weight was just dropping off.  Now, I am stalled.  Yo-yo-ing.  I just want to reach goal.  Then, I can stay there.  Ugh!!!!  So frustrating!!!!!  

Darn BMI

If it weren't for that darn BMI (body mass index), I would probably be happy where I am, weight-wise.  I think mostly because the last stretch IS KILLING ME.  I'm like "ok, I get it! I can maintain at this weight so I'll just stay here."  But let's face it I'm too stubborn to stop now.  I am so close to being within the healthy weight range.  I can't quit now.

I had to laugh at myself this weekend when I was making my 3rd (yes 3rd) s'more.  There was no way I would've even THOUGHT about eating that a year ago!  I am way too relaxed now.  I have 10 pounds to lose and I'm stuffing down melted marshmallows and melted chocolate like it was my job.  

So what do I need to do?  Well, I have to get my head back in the game.  And hopefully the rest of me will follow.  As a start, I did 30 minutes on the elliptical (for the first time in over 2 weeks) today when we got home from camping.  I will be doing my very best to get 10,000 steps every day.  I will HONESTLY track. Or I will track honestly.  I will make better choices.  I will motivate myself by reading WW Connect and my magazines.  I have to try to find the me I was a year ago.  But maybe a little less crazy.  Not sure if that's possible.  Guess we will see.

Yes!!!!

A Woman with A Plan

hahaha

This couldn't be more true this week!  Not just going to the store hungry BUT also since I was sick, I didn't meal plan or do my "big shop" for the week so we've been eating on the fly.  Which is never a good thing.

The key to good eating habits and losing weight, I think, is planning.  When I don't plan, I don't have control. Deciding mid-day what we are going to eat that night does not work for me.  At least 3 days in the last 5, I have gone to the store to get what we needed for dinner that night.  Which means I had to take in account what I had for breakfast and lunch so I didn't go over my points. What a pain!!!

Now that I am feeling much better and am almost back to my 'old' self, I can come up with my menu and grocery list for all of next week and feel back in control!  YAY!  There are still a lot of foods I am avoiding because I do not want to have a set-back.  But I am working around that.  Trying to find my limits.  I still have at least 4 days of no exercise, which IS killing me.  The minute I am able, I am back to my work out routine.  And I can't wait!

Being Told No

This last week have been utterly terrible.  "Why?" you ask.  Well let me tell you...

Last week, I was feeling poorly, thinking it was "womanly issues". I finally broke down and went to the doctor, and after peeing in a cup, blood work and a CT Scan it was determined I have Diverticulitis.  Ok, I can deal with that, I've had this before (a long time ago).  Prescriptions picked up and taken, lite diet started and I am on the mend, right? Right. UNTIL the follow up.  The lovely doctor tells me no exercise.  Wait.  What?  Apparently the meds can mess up your tendons.  Have you ever heard such a thing??  So, basically for 2 weeks - no exercise.  

I told her that foods that are listed on the "lite diet" (white rice, white potatoes, canned fruit, canned veggies) are foods that I just don't eat anymore - at least not often. Her response was "you're just going to have to cheat".  I came out of the follow up appointment defeated. In tears.  I felt like my WW world was collapsing.  Being told no exercise and eat what I consider non-WW friendly foods - I was crushed. And a bit panicked.  

I know that I have to do what's best for my health.  And I have been and will continue to do so. I am careful.  I am tracking.  I know I will turn a corner and will be back to my normal self.  Who knows, maybe this lite diet is just what I need to shake things up a bit and get these final 10 off!  Just didn't want it to be because I was sick.  

Reckless Abandon

The time has come (and gone) - graduation!  The moment I have been waiting for!  Being skinny(ier) and looking good for my baby's college graduation.  Compared to you-know-who, I looked damned good.  Yay me!!!

BUT

All bets were off this weekend.  I ate with reckless abandon.  I didn't go to WW Saturday morning.  For the first time in 14 months, I didn't track.  Not Friday, Saturday OR Sunday.  And let me tell you, I didn't like it one bit.  I felt out of control.  I couldn't get my brain switched back to WW mode.  It was stuck in celebration gear.  Yes, this is the moment (or one of them) that I have been working for but that is NO excuse to go nuts!!!!  

You know that expression, "shoot first, ask questions later"?  Well, it was like eat now, calculate later.  You just can't do that.  Because what you find out (points-wise), you will not like.  

So.  This morning I gave myself a talking-to.  I am weighing and measuring. I am tracking.  I will exercise.  Time to get my head back in the game.  We've got 10 pounds to go and dammit, we will get there.  

Sooner rather than later.  :)