I know, I know

Where have I been?  Well, I've been here.  But not really.  And that's very evident in my weight tracker.  I am done with excuses.  I am done with cheats and sneaks and half-ass tracking.

I'm in it to win it.

Starting today.  

Lately, I have been using "well, that's life" as a reason to not be stricter.  Yes, things come up, stuff happens and sometimes food choices are not in my control.  BUT, I CAN control what I do with those food choices, when stuff comes up and things happen.  I CAN pick through the bad food and find something good.  If not - one word comes to mind moderation.

I took the traveling journal (aka "the lucky journal" to some) this week.  The idea is to track what you eat and how much you exercise in writing with like a pencil.  To me, it's old school.  I track everything on my phone.  We'll see just how lucky this traveling lucky journal is. I am tracking in both places.

I am not happy that weight has crept back on.  I am certainly not happy that the really cute pants I bought last summer are SUPER tight and not at all flattering.  I'm really, really unhappy that I had to BUY a few pairs of pants just get me through.  Ugh.  If that isn't incentive enough, I don't know what is.  

PLUS, in 4 months, we are going to Nashville.  I'd like to be able to wear cute, fun clothes while we are there.  I know what needs to be done.  Just like Nike...

...Just do it.

Weekend Warrior

If it weren't for the weekends, I'd be there.  I would be at goal weight.

I know in my heart of hearts, this is true.  Saturday's have always been a relaxed day...the day I weigh in and know in my mind that I have a whole week to repair what I might do/eat/drink.  Of course I am still working on losing the big gain of 3.6 pounds from the camping weekend (well, I don't know for sure if that's the only cause but that's what I am going with).  You remember - the 3 days eating and drinking binge, the loss of my mind and the terrible price I paid to play hard.

Lately, Saturday cheat has become Saturday/Sunday cheats.  Well, that just won't do. Things have to change.  And so, I made it happen.  I was mostly good on Saturday and really good on Sunday.  AND, I have kicked my own butt back into gear with exercising. 

I am recommitting myself to exercising AT LEAST 4 days a week and getting 10,000 steps a day in.  I have recommitted to honestly tracking.  I am back to focusing on my journey.  

I'm looking forward to cooler days.  Days when we can ride our bikes, take longer walks, play more in the yard.  Fall is my favorite season.  I will miss all the yummy summer veggies but will find new and exciting fall/winter veggies.  

These last 5 pounds will not beat me, I will not be undone.

THIS is why

It's the moment you find that perfect shirt, the one you have been looking high and low for - there it is.  4 of them.  All. Size. Small.  You're crushed.  What's a girl to do?  Well, if you are me, you try it on anyway.  And guess what - IT FIT.  So, I bought it.  

It's that moment when I am like, um okay.  This is why I continue on my journey.  Never mind that I feel better and am much healthier.  I AM WEARING A SIZE SMALL SHIRT.

Yea, I have told everyone in the office that I'm wearing a small.  Because I am damn proud.  

I have been beating myself up because I have gotten off track.  I know I shouldn't but it's hard.  Life happens, I know.  But so far, this has come so easy for me.  And so many people are proud of me (including myself), I am scared to disappoint.  Sometimes it's just a lot of pressure to succeed.  And when I stumble, I feel let down.  

So what have I changed?  Well, for one thing, I am exercising again.  I didn't realize how much I missed it until I started again.  And, I'm trying super hard not to cheat.  I am re-committing myself to getting 10,000 steps a day. 

I will get there.  This I know.  I have picked myself up (again) and brushed myself off (again) and gotten back on track (AGAIN).  

One thing I have proven myself is that I am a winner.  I am winning.  When I cross that line, I will know that I earned it.  And that I deserve it.  

Guilt

"Everyone has the right to be happy without feeling guilty".  Yet I feel completely guilty.  Why?  Because I am a cheater.  I cheated on WW.  In a big, ugly way. And on myself .  I cheated on the new Sheri.

I don't know what happens to my brain when I go camping.  But I saw a glimpse of the old Sheri and quite frankly, it scared the hell out of me.  I woke up feeling guilty and disappointed with myself.  I kept asking myself, "how could I have eaten that?" and "why did I drink so much?"  I had the perfect opportunity to walk and get a lot of good exercise.  But did I?  Nope.  I sat, like a blob, in my camp chair and hardly moved.  I'm not going to list all the "bad things" I consumed.  Just know that it wasn't pretty.  

I know it's going to happen from time to time.  But my goodness.  It was like my brain took a leave of absence - completely checked out.  I got caught up in having a good time.  A year ago when I was a bit TOO cuckoo and people around me were like "oh come on, you're on vacation, live a little - quit counting those chips."  I felt like I was under scrutiny.  This year I let my hair down and I feel like they weren't watching me, as much.  Does that make sense?  

Here's the thing though. Its hard to be with a group of people who all bring food to contribute to meals and be "good" with what's being offered.  I can only control but so much.  I bring to the table something healthy every time so I know that there will be at least one option for me.  I also bring healthy snacks. So I DO try.  

I do have the right to be happy.  Right?