Guilt

"Everyone has the right to be happy without feeling guilty".  Yet I feel completely guilty.  Why?  Because I am a cheater.  I cheated on WW.  In a big, ugly way. And on myself .  I cheated on the new Sheri.

I don't know what happens to my brain when I go camping.  But I saw a glimpse of the old Sheri and quite frankly, it scared the hell out of me.  I woke up feeling guilty and disappointed with myself.  I kept asking myself, "how could I have eaten that?" and "why did I drink so much?"  I had the perfect opportunity to walk and get a lot of good exercise.  But did I?  Nope.  I sat, like a blob, in my camp chair and hardly moved.  I'm not going to list all the "bad things" I consumed.  Just know that it wasn't pretty.  

I know it's going to happen from time to time.  But my goodness.  It was like my brain took a leave of absence - completely checked out.  I got caught up in having a good time.  A year ago when I was a bit TOO cuckoo and people around me were like "oh come on, you're on vacation, live a little - quit counting those chips."  I felt like I was under scrutiny.  This year I let my hair down and I feel like they weren't watching me, as much.  Does that make sense?  

Here's the thing though. Its hard to be with a group of people who all bring food to contribute to meals and be "good" with what's being offered.  I can only control but so much.  I bring to the table something healthy every time so I know that there will be at least one option for me.  I also bring healthy snacks. So I DO try.  

I do have the right to be happy.  Right?